Dear Dr. Archer,
I'm struggling in choosing between two guys I'm in love with.
One of them, "P", is a long distance relationship. We've been dating for two years, and although we have many problems dealing with the distance, he's always there for me and possesses the qualities I look for in a potential husband. He's reliable, honest, loyal, kind and compassionate.
Recently I met another guy, "I", and the chemistry we share is intense! I feel so drawn to him, and I can't seem to stop thinking about him. We've hooked up a couple of times, and although I feel guilty about cheating on my boyfriend, whenever I'm with him, I feel so complete.
I'm lost and don't know who I should be with. "P" is an amazing man who loves me unconditionally and without end. Yet my heart is screaming for "I" who fills me with passion and happiness I can't ignore.
They know each other and are waiting for me to make my decision. I don't want to hurt either of them, and it kills me to know the fate of these two men lie within my hands.
Please, Dr. Archer, share some advice on my situation so I can handle it wisely. Thank you so much!
You describe "P" as an amazing man, reliable, honest, kind, compassionate who loves you without end. You also say your relationship with "I" is filled with passion and chemistry. Needless to say, Jenny, a long term relationship should have all of these things.
Typically, intense passion fades over the course of time, leaving the qualities and traits that "P" provides as what you end up with. It's those very qualities that are of paramount importance to sustain a relationship through the years.
So, Jenny, I have to ask... What's the hurry? You don't have to decide now. Take your time and let these two guys know you're not ready to make a choice. I'd say that in less than a year's time the answer will be perfectly clear. Trust me.
Until then, take your time. Have fun! Be true to yourself first, while remaining open and honest with each man, and you will eventually get your answer. Who knows? It may not be either of them, but someone else. Remember, "A girl can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones."
Above all, the most meaningful relationships are the ones where the couple are friends first, with a genuine concern for the well-being of the other. Chemistry may be overwhelming in the beginning, but if that's it, it won't last the way compatibility, friendship and respect will. Be true to yourself and the answer will follow. Good luck!